Solutions for Attachment Disorders
Solve Relationship Problems © Martyn Carruthers:

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The consequences of attachment disorders include children
and family members who feel disconnected from each other.

To whom are you Attached?

In psychology, attachments are the result of emotional bonds between people. An obvious example is between infants and parents - supportive attachment can provide a base for life, while interrupted attachment can delay emotional development.

The consequences of interrupted attachment may be
most obvious in people's relationship skills.

Why is Attachment important?

Most children bond positively to adults who show them caring and treat them well. If a child's bonding with a caretaker is absent or interrupted, the resulting behaviors may be called attachment disorders.

Attachment disorders may follow difficult pregnancies, substance abuse during pregnancy, parental conflicts, separations from primary caretakers, abuse, neglect, parental mental illness or people with poor parenting skills.

Chimpanzee and gorilla infants separated from their parents cry and refuse
to be consoled. Then they become passive, and later they may ignore their
parents. Human children often show similar reactions if they are ignored,
abused, neglected or separated from nurturing adults.

Children often respond to painful emotions by hiding part or all of their identity, and compensate by creating limiting identity beliefs (unpleasant beliefs about self) that explain or justify the caretakers' abuse or maltreatment (e.g.: "I am bad"). Children with toxic self-beliefs may have severe behavioral problems - for example they:

Children who bond to their caregivers with limiting beliefs instead of loving bonds may become unable to participate in friendship, teamwork, partnership or parenthood. Instead they may excel in manipulation and deceit. Events associated with attachment disorders include

Attachment Disorder Consequences

Disturbed children may break their toys, threaten siblings and hurt pets. They create stress and tension if their parents try to limit or control their activities. The parents may attempt to express love to disturbed children, yet expressions of love may be ignored or rejected. Some warning signs are:

The long-term consequences of interrupted attachment may not become apparent until adolescence, when their lack of relationship skills and unpleasant emotions become noticeable. See Anxiety and Schizophrenia

Some parents express aggression or hostility towards such children. If parents reject, fear or even hate their children, then both parents and children may later experience stress symptoms PTSD, depression or mental breakdown.

Children with attachment disorders may be charming to relatives and schoolteachers. People outside the family may criticize or condemn the parents, as the parents may appear to be hostile or angry towards such nice children without justification.

From a systemic perspective, such children have recruited
other adults to express their anger towards their parents!

Interrupted Attachment: Antisocial & Psychopathic Behavior

Extreme consequences of interrupted attachment may be the disregard of other people's rights (antisocial personality disorder) or violent harm to others (psychopathic personality disorder).

Most people diagnosed as antisocial or psychopathic seem to have suffered severe family difficulties: a history of neglect, rejection, abuse and insults (Martens 1997) and damaged relationships. They may:

1. seek sensations
2. pretend emotions
3. act out violent impulses
4. not consider the consequences of their actions (Cleckley, 1984)

If you cannot feel guilt or remorse, how different would your life be? If you are not forcibly stopped, would you try to do whatever you wished? About 1 person in 25 are antisocial or psychopaths - you probably know some.

Bonding with Children

Bonding positively with a child includes simple things: maintaining eye contact, or holding a child in your arms and rocking gently. Give smiles, safe touches and gentle movements. Help a child feel secure. Be consistent and patient to help a disturbed child decide to trust you. Do not expect rapid results!

Make opportunities to do things together - show the child that he or she is cared for - perhaps sing or read together, play games together and work together. Parenting is not easy. See Parent Coaching

Help them feel secure. Although you cannot force children to bond, being consistent and patient helps children relax. Parental tough love can help children make decisions and deal with conflict. Solving problems can teach children how to consider requests, responsibilities, actions and consequences. Examples are:

• Use physical exercise as discipline
• Keep children busy, or have them do "quiet sitting"
• Ask a child to do many chores ... and leave those chores undone

Parenting children with attachment disorders is difficult, although both parents and children can recover. Avoid taking a child's behavior or insults personally, and avoid blaming anybody. Contact us for help with your own emotions and relationships.

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Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2013 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers
to help people solve emotional problems and relationship issues to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work.