|
Relationship disappointments can cause people to "split off" their
unpleasant emotions. These split-off "parts" of self do not mature
and are often called "inner children". These parts may be sensed
in the body (often as chronic unpleasant emotions) or described as childish fantasies.
When parts of the self are missing, people may behave
childishly, with a sense that "an important part of me is missing."
We help people explore and change such identity loss.
Inner Child Part 2: Emotional Maturity
Inner Child Part 3: Emotional First
Aid
The Consequences of Relationship Disappointments
We define trauma as events that cause people to
dissociate or split off overwhelming emotions. If a trauma was
believed to be deliberately caused by another person - this is often called
abuse. Trauma and
abuse cause people to split off or hide parts of themselves. We help
people re-integrate with split-off personality parts that are often
called inner child.
|
I did not receive the love that I needed
- and I feel that I can't grow up until I do! |
Traumatic events involve accidents, injuries and
relationship disappointments. We find that dissociated parts usually maintain
the same age and the same emotions as during the originating
event. Did you suffer a serious accident or life-threatening disease? Do
you still experience anxiety, or helplessness, or perhaps horror? Do you feel
disturbed when something reminds you of that event?
Did you split off or hide some part of yourself? Are you
depressed following a relationship disappointment? Do you feel detached or
fragmented or dissociated? Do you have panic or anxiety attacks? Can you
concentrate - or does your attention wander?
Do you feel exhausted, yet you cannot sleep properly?
Do you suffer from recurring unpleasant emotions or violent nightmares?
Are you often anxious or depressed - yet you do not know why?
Do people accuse you of acting childishly or behaving in childlike ways?
Some people with this type of dissociation are unable to plan
effectively - they have an ineffective sense of time. It is fairly common for
them to feel that their future is behind them ... and their past is in front!
I also find that people with dissociated parts often criticize
themselves without mercy! In the privacy of their own minds, they may be far
more critical and even abusive to themselves that they would be to people that
they dislike!
|
I was afraid of men - I only dated
weak men so that I could feel safe. You helped me explore my fear
- I watched my father hurting my mother when I was six - that six-year old me
seemed frozen - she was still under the kitchen table - we helped her
come out and grow up.
I have changed - I am more me!
Honolulu,
Hawaii |
Unresolved emotions from stressful events can cause flashbacks
and nightmares. You may feel emotionally numb or you may experience strong
emotions and mood swings. You may be diagnosed with depression
or chronic anxiety.
We can help you heal the consequences
of war, terrorism, prison, accidents, rape, military service, domestic violence,
childhood abuse or surgery. We can help you heal yourself.
Stress .
Depression .
Insomnia .
Anger Management
The Shadow
You may not remember any abuse or trauma.
You may have strong unpleasant emotions but only remember minor incidents.
Some people may call this side of you a shadow. We can help you
recover the younger-you - and help that part of you grow up.
If you were abused, or if you witnessed something that
you could not rationalize, then you may have "split off" part
of yourself. We can help you pull yourself together. Sometimes your
maturity will cause relationship problems if other people prefer you to be
immature.
|
I married my wife because she loved the
child in me. She wrote letters to the little boy in me. I loved her so much
... but when you helped him (me) grow up and become whole, my wife said
she could not stay with me. She can only relax with needy men and she
did not want to change ... now she lives with a man who has
bipolar and she's happy again. London, UK |
Your
identity has been shaped in part by your parents, by ethnic or religious
values, by political propaganda and by your education. Your identity may
involve your culture, such as a racial or a minority group. We help
people accept, acknowledge and fulfill who they are.
Refugee Coaching .
Exit Coaching
Consequences of Trauma - Split-Off Parts
Ignoring adults who behave childishly can lead to immature
adults who cannot commit to healthy partnership, parenthood or responsible
employment. Instead they may seek a substitute for a parent (in a partner
or in a boss) and they may envy or resent their own children (as competition
for their partner's love and time).
If you experienced stress, trauma or abuse, and you have
not resolved or assimilated it, you are less likely to stay employed or
happily married, and you are more likely to feel depressed, anxious or
stressed. You may suffer from low self-esteem with little sense of well-being,
and you may best relate to other people who also suffered relationship
disappointments or other trauma.
|
Some Consequences of Split-Off Parts
|
- accident prone
- anxiety and hypochondria
- apathy
- chronic or phantom pain
- dangerous relationships
- depression and guilt
- digestive problems
|
- dissociation
- hopelessness
- hyperactive
- isolation and withdrawal
- mood swings
- panic attacks
- phobias
|
- promiscuity
- self-harm
- sleep disorders
- startles easily
- substance abuse
- volatile emotions
- worthlessness
|
If you split off part of yourself during stress,
abuse or trauma, you may feel, act and sound like a hurt child whenever
something reminds you of those events. We can help you recover, nurture and
integrate parts of you stuck in emotions, compulsions, obsessions and addictions.
The consequences of abuse can include a sense of helplessness
or inability to make decisions or to act; shame, guilt, self-blame; a sense of
being dirty or defiled; a sense of complete difference from others (may include
feeling special, alone or separated).
|
I asked you about my anger ... you
offered to help me find the source ... I was twelve when my parents divorced
and I had to live with my grandmother. She would punish me by locking me in
the cellar ... it was like part of me was still in the cellar ... just
furious. Since you helped that side of me grow up, my anger is maybe ten
percent of what it used to be. |
Your children may try to carry your burden.
Your loneliness or depressed sense of life may be perceived as
victim or unable to love. Your helplessness may motivate
your children to protect you as they would protect a wounded child.
(We often see this pattern repeated across generations).
The consequences of ignoring or worsening the unresolved
confusion and fragmentation called an inner child can include
Toxic Beliefs,
Learning Disabilities or
Depression in yourself or your children.
Integrate an Inner Child
Many health professionals manage the symptoms associated with
abuse and trauma with medication. But if the underlying identity loss is not
restored, then the symptoms often seem to return in other forms. The resulting
immaturity and adult
dysfunction is most evident in their relationship behavior. We help people find
effective relationship solutions.
|
As a therapist I am familiar with
partitioned ego states (inner child work) ... you helped me sort out my own
issues so fast ... I don't want to work with people for years to get the
same results ... can you teach me how to do this? Johannesburg, South
Africa |
If you have suffered abuse or trauma, you may have
tried to distract yourself with alcohol, drugs, sex or food addictions. We can
help you regain your integrity, rebuild your identity and realign with
your life purpose. You can recover your self-respect
- as you learn to live and love again.
Renewal
We help people rebuild their relationships with their own
inner-children as a basis for integration. Our solutions for inner-child
integration often include resolving the consequences of past trauma and abuse.
Do you want to recover an inner child?
Do you want to recover your wholeness - your integrity?
Do you want to move on with your adult life?
Online Coaching (Finding Your Inner
Babysitter!)
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
2007-2012 All rights reserved.
|
