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Although most helping professionals are conscientious people with good
intentions,
why not research the consequences of a therapy or training before you
begin -
especially if it includes forms of hypnosis, hypnotherapy or NLP.
Neither credentials nor nice philosophies prevent therapist damage nor
'unintended consequences'.
Client Abuse in Therapy, Coaching & Counseling
Therapy, coaching and counseling are part of education,
medicine, human resources, mental health and spiritual guidance. Some people who
provide counseling, social work, new age techniques, hypnosis, therapy, NLP or
spiritual guidance can - usually with good intentions - damage their clients.
- Have you been hurt by a therapist, coach or
counselor?
- Have you abused the trust of people who asked
you for help?
- Do you feel that you depend on a therapist,
coach or counselor?
- Have you failed to change yourself - and now
consider yourself incurable?
Few helping professionals appear to be trained to recognize
therapist damage or to resolve
client abuse
- in clients or in other health workers. Resolving therapy damage
is a key part of our coach training.
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I am more than willing to get
your online couple coaching, but my partner had a bad
experience with counseling a few years ago and
won't participate. Chicago, USA
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Therapist damage may result from immaturity,
incompetence, inexperience or inappropriate
interventions, all of which can worsen distress and/or create
dependence. Such therapists can sabotage a
person's perception of all helping professionals. People who
feel abused or victimized may not trust any other counselor,
coach, therapist or other form of mentorship.
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My wife and I are clinical psychologists ...
our son has muscular dystrophy. We attended a workshop by a famous German
family therapist. He told us, before an audience, that my wife and I were
"sucking the life from our son's body". We felt devastated. Now we
better understand how therapists can abuse people with such careless diagnosis ...
you helped us dissolve this schema,
and now we can move on. Germany |
As with other people who have been cheated, abused clients
may experience strong emotions (such as shame, anger & self-hatred)
that inhibit appropriate reaction. Few clients report abusive therapists -
it is strangely difficult to identify a relevant professional body
and to follow their complaint procedures. Local police may not be helpful
... and many abused clients blame themselves!
Therapist ... The Rapist ... Client Abuse
The consequences of client abuse often resemble
the consequences of other emotional trauma. If you were abused by a helping
professional, you may show symptoms associated with major relationship
disappointments. You may experience anxiety, depression, panic attacks,
self-hatred, substance abuse or eating disorders. And you may distrust
all other potential mentors and avoid anyone who might advise,
coach, teach or mentor you.
- Some helping professionals
avoid resolving their own problems
- Some helping professionals
prefer dependent, compliant clients
- Some helping professionals
specialize in their own unresolved issues
- Many types of abuse can occur during
counseling, coaching and therapy meetings
Abusive behavior and inappropriate conduct is not uncommon
during counseling, coaching and therapy. Lonely, dissatisfied, codependent
or immature practitioners damage their own lives as well as the lives of
their clients - most often with good intentions. You may suffer from their
good intentions.
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My wife and I visited a (female)
therapist. The therapist said that my wife was
causing most of our problems and she advised my wife to be more
independent ... the therapist privately told me that she thought that
she and I were compatible ... and we had an
affair. London, Ontario |
If you suffer from therapist damage you may
feel betrayed; and lose self-esteem,
identity, hope and independence. Worse, you may damage or lose your
ability to make sense of your life.
Judge Results, not Credentials
People seeking help to cope with life challenges may assume that
the best helping professionals are the best promoted ... or have the most education,
regardless of their experience. (We find that the longer a practitioner has
studied in universities - the more reason to check their life experience.)
Many people delay growing up. Students who feel lost often
stay at school and take advanced degrees. When they do leave school, they
may have formidable credentials and little emotional maturity.
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Can you afford Free?
I met a free psychiatrist
for an eating disorder for 7 months. She worked for __ Mental Health
in Canada, where she treats eating disorders. She was destructive. Had I
known what good therapy was, I would have walked out during the first
visit. My hope is that other people can identify bad therapy in the
first session!
- She talked theory, not practice - she
weighed at least 500 lbs (200 kg)
- She spent at least half of our time
talking about herself
- She wanted me to help build her public image
- She talked about the theory of eating
disorders like a social documentary
- She expressed fear of other approaches to
eating disorders
- She was terribly insecure and would often
talk about her own obsessions
- She made me do things without
explanations
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Professional Codependence & Incompetence
Trust, respect and commitment are fundamental to healing relationships,
yet a codependent practitioner cannot provide these life skills.
Codependent people more often express their unworthiness through
self-denial and sacrifice. They cannot be role models for
healthy independence, and may sabotage it!
Codependent practitioners may delay your
recovery to prolong their need to help you ...
and their need to be respected ... and paid ... by you.
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Our marriage counselor advised us to
take some expensive workshops. We did this although neither of us enjoyed
them. We discovered that many other participants were our counselor's
clients, and that the trainer paid 50% of our fees to our counselor.
Detroit, USA
|
Many helping professionals offer sympathy - but sympathy encourages
adults to act in immature and codependent ways. If you want to be
responsible for your life, you are more likely to benefit from
compassion, provocation and straight communication. Sympathy
may help you to stay where you are!
Imbalance of Power
Some therapists may try to become a substitute for a parent.
Others may want to be perceived as a trusted friend. Your
feelings about these people may become distorted.
Entanglements
and transferences
are features of problematic relationships. Abusive practitioners
can use transference to ...
- Intimidate or frighten you
- Manipulate or seduce you
- Demand more paid sessions (that are not needed)
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My therapist was charming, witty and good looking.
And married ... and his couch was good for many things. When I found
out that he also had sex with other clients, I ended our meetings ...
but I really miss him. San Diego, California |
Parental transference (acting like a parent) can put a
therapist in a seemingly powerful position and a client into a vulnerable
position. Some therapists use parental transference to exploit
or abuse clients.
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My therapist was like the loving father I never had and I
would do anything he said. When he suggested a weekend together, I agreed
... but afterwards I felt terribly used ... he still calls me and wants
me to purchase more appointments. Cardiff, Wales |
Common Client Abuse
If you seek help, you may be in crisis or shock. You may feel
childish - vulnerable to criticism and emotional abuse. People
have told us about these abuses during coaching,
counseling and therapy:
- Endlessly elaborate their philosophies
- Forget or be late for your appointments
- Exaggerate or misdiagnose your problems
- Repeatedly re-schedule your appointments
- Refuse to answer your reasonable questions
- Be preoccupied or daydream during your sessions
- Refuse to consider your perceptions or point of view
- Claim that you are overreacting
- Withhold important information from you
- Label your communication as bad or wrong
- Claim that you cause them to act inappropriately
- Refuse to discuss topics which you want to discuss
- Express mood changes and / or emotional outbursts
- Talk endlessly about the therapist's beliefs and opinions
- Use your sessions to help themselves
- Extend your sessions without benefit to you
- Arrange to meet you for non-therapeutic purposes
- Tell you that you do not deserve love, care or support
- Invite you to participate in emotional or physical intimacy
- Later deny or justify emotional or sexual intimacy with you
- Threaten to end your sessions unless you comply with a demand
- Talk about his or her own problems
- Act pompous, condescending or officious
- Give you covert post-hypnotic suggestions
- Ask you for advice about personal problems
- Advise you to change your sexual orientation
- Continually defer solutions to "the next session"
- Cause you to distrust other helping professionals
The last one may be worst.
Mentor damage can prevent or delay people from seeking help elsewhere.
Part 2 of Therapist-Client Abuse
& Codependence
We offer solutions for emotional damage by abusive
therapists, incompetent counselors etc.
Click HERE for Help with Therapist Abuse
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright ©
Martyn Carruthers 2003-2012 All rights reserved. |
