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Dependence is normal
and expected for children, sick people and addicts. We help adults develop
independent maturity and dissolve fixations, entanglements and
codependence.
Do you ignore your own needs? Can you say "No!"
- and mean it? Do you feel guilty if you take time for yourself? Do you
look after everyone else's needs but not your own?
Entangled Relationships
In your desire to express and receive love, you may
become entangled or fixated. You may lose your sense of freedom, purpose and happiness.
You may suffer ... a lot. We
offer many ways for you to remedy this - to increase your happiness and to
alleviate suffering; to increase fulfillment. Do you want to
help people recognize and resolve entangled relationships?
Can you recognize dependence? Dependent people
usually try to avoid responsibility, endlessly complain, blame others, tell
lies and avoid the consequences of their actions. Dependent people avoid
developing essential qualities and skills that support adult long-term happiness.
They may demand or manipulate other people to do for them what they will not
to do for themselves. See Codependence.
Some dependent people offer their bodies in trade for
goods or protection. This is well described
in Emotional Incest,
Mother's Little Prince
and Daddy's
Little Princess, and can be seen in relationships in which emotional,
physical and sexual abuse is not only tolerated but expected.
Stress Disorders .
Divorce and Children
. Parent Alienation
. Difficult Clients
Are you Dependent?
You are likely dependent if you define love as
behavior that fulfills your needs. Then, your expressions
of love may require you or others to act in needy, demanding
ways. If a person, family or organization stops providing something
on which you depend - you may end this suddenly-unloving relationship.
You may find another provider or become sick. We help motivated
adults to grow up emotionally.
Extreme dependence is often associated with sets of
symptoms, such as: Victim Identification,
Bipolar Disorder ,
Depression and Anxiety.
Are you Emotionally Dependent?
You are emotionally dependent if you believe that
your personal security or self-worth requires the ongoing presence
or nurturing of another person.
Are you intensely preoccupied with someone? Do you need to be
near that person? Do you feel a sense of loss when you can't be close? Do you
need to be a person's exclusive love and their only companion? Do you view this
person's friends or family as competition? Are you jealous? Are you
unable to decide or take action without that person's approval? Are you
addicted?
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Dependent & Parasitic Relationships |
| Relationship |
Example Challenges |
Example Solutions |
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All relationships |
Your life does not make sense Depression, Anxiety, Obsessions, Despair, Psychosomatic
symptoms, Addiction |
Identify and clarify entanglements.
Coach person to find integrity, replace relationship bonds,
dissolve trauma and find mentors. |
|
Family |
A person attempts to control,
manipulate or victimize other family members A person attempts to avoid
responsibility, or to take over other member's responsibilities. |
Tough Love: Parents can monitor, maintain and
enrich family harmony. Family Discussions:
Members know each other's responsibilities and fulfill
their own responsibilities. |
|
Friends |
A person seeks people with problems
as "friends", to fulfill a need to "help" people. A person only wants friends who will
"help" obtain needed resources. |
Coach a person to find self-reliant friends
who do not need the person's help as a basis for friendship. Coach a person to find self-reliant friends
who do not compulsively help people as a basis for friendship. |
|
Mentor
(Coach, Counselor, Consultant, Therapist, Healer, etc) |
A coach or etc depends on clients to
create a sense of purpose or self-respect. A helping
professional depends on clients to have any
relationships at all.
A coach or etc wants to recruit clients from amongst
friends, family, teams etc.
A coach or etc wants friendly or intimate
relationships with clients. |
A coach etc has a sense of purpose and self-respect
across contexts. A coach etc has healthy relationships outside of
working relationships.
Coach friends, family or colleagues within well
defined agreements.
Allow appropriate time between coaching and other
relationships. |
|
Teams |
Team member
depends on other members do his or her work or take his or her
responsibilities. Team member wants to do
other members work or take their responsibilities.
Team member wants to manipulate other
team members, OR treat them like "family" |
Coach a team leader to select team members based on
friendship skills, expertise and other relevant criteria. A team leader can use team process
to recognize and correct behavior.
Coach a team leader in teamwork and team
leadership skills. |
|
Partnership |
A person wants a partner who will act as
a "parent", "sibling" or "child". A person does not fulfill
responsibilities OR person tries to fulfill partner's responsibilities
A person becomes anxious, angry or
depressed if partner is happy or successful |
Coach a person to observe self and a potential partner
before commitment.
Define and fulfill own and partner responsibilities,
and support partner to fulfill his or her responsibilities.
Coach partners to
encourage each other's development, success and happiness. |
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Parenthood |
A parent needs a child and becomes anxious or
depressed as a child matures.
A physically healthy parent acts like a
"child" of the child, demanding help.
A parent treats a child as a possession or servant,
rejecting the child's individuality.
A parent tries to live through a child, pushing the
child to do what the parent wanted to do. |
Coach parents to find and maintain friends with whom they can
discuss partnership and parenthood concerns Coach
adult children to separate from parents for a defined period.
Coach an adult to untangle and clarify
relationships with parents.
Coach parents to resourcefully work together
to improve family health. |
|
Community
Politics |
A person avoids responsibilities and
depends on a community, government, state or politician (e.g. welfare
recipients). A person wants to control or
manipulate the collective behavior of a community, region or country. |
Few solutions are possible until a person
wants to change. Even then, a community may change rules and leaders
yet keep the dependence.
A person should first fulfill partnership
and parenthood responsibilities. |
|
Humanity
Cosmos
God
Philosophy |
A person avoids personal responsibility and
depends on humanity, the universe, a deity or a philosophy to somehow provide
food, shelter and life goals without effort.
These people may try to create dependent relationships in
all categories. |
Few solutions are possible until suffering
motivates a desire to end suffering - then coaching towards freedom,
interdependence and dignity.
Some people would rather die than change their bonded
beliefs. |
Some dependent relationships are so
common that they may not be seen as unhealthy. Consider the relationship
messages in TV soap operas and Hollywood movies; listen carefully to the lyrics
of love songs; and observe advertising critically.
Examine the covert
relationship messages implicit within in marketing and political
propaganda in your country. You may be bombarded by images of dependent people -
created to increase your dependence!
Two golden keys to resolving dependence issues are integrity
and maturity. We coach adults to explore,
experience and develop their integrity as a basis for ending parasitic, codependent or symbiotic
relationships. We help people live healthy lives and enjoy mature relationships.
Online Coaching to End Dependence
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright � Martyn Carruthers
2000-2012 All rights reserved. |
