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Consider the
relationship consequences of a training before attending it -
especially if suggestion, hypnosis, belief or value change are
themes of the training.
Were you abused by a trainer?
Incompetent, Abusive and Toxic Training
Some training programs have wonderful consequences for
participants, and some consequences are unpleasant. Examine the course topics,
the trainers and the training style. While many trainers would dislike being called
manipulative, some might be pleased ... it's what they do best.
Workshops and trainings with topics such as How to Make
People buy Your Products often ignore long-term consequences in favor of short-term
goals,
but provide information that people will pay for. Topics such as
Financial Success without Effort may be a ruse for manipulation,
hypnotic language and coercion, with unadvertised consequences that you
neither expect nor want.
Trainers who Abuse Students
Some teachers inspire students - others abuse students.
Some trainers extort money or sexual favors from participants. Some professors
use students as substitutes for laboratory rats. Does a trainer:
- limit your behavior or increase your
flexibility
- install beliefs rather
than provide useful information
- test the consequences of
their information in the real world
- express relationship behavior that
inspires or damage relationships
- present their own values as a model
for your life or as their model for life
Some trainers attract the lost and the weary with promises of
respect, success and power. If people who are damaged by toxic training try to leave
it - they may be called quitters, regressive or
learning disabled. We often help people who have been trainer disabled.
Training Types
As trainings can include any combination of topics, we use a
hierarchy of abstraction of type of information and the role
of the trainer. See: Steps to an Ecology of Mind by Dr. Gregory
Bateson.) :
| |
Type
of Information |
Role of Trainer |
| Sense of Life |
Overall sense of
fulfillment |
Priest or Guru |
| Relationships |
Defining self in
relationships |
Evaluate & change
relationships |
| Priorities |
Choosing
personal values |
Evaluate & change priorities |
| Performance |
Choosing
personal beliefs |
Evaluate & change beliefs |
|
Capacity |
Replicate or
create skills |
Improve ability to learn |
|
Behavior |
Techniques and
skills |
Provide repetitive techniques |
| Real world |
Test knowledge in
real world |
Help interpret feedback |
We find that testing knowledge in the real world, not in a
classroom or laboratory, should be the basis of learning. Only real-world tests
can prove whether or not strategies are valid and valuable in the contexts
for which they were learned.
A trainer's sense of life may be an overt or covert part
of their training. A trainer's attitude is critical in longer trainings,
especially about communication and human development. Ask students to
evaluate whether a specific training or a certain trainer is likely to
provide healthy or unhealthy results:
| |
Healthy |
Unhealthy |
| Sense
of Life |
Clear sense of
integrity |
Confused sense of
life |
| Relationships |
Clear
relationships |
Violated promises |
| Priorities |
Clear values |
Confused
priorities |
| Performance |
Clear beliefs |
Limiting or
dependent beliefs |
|
Capacity |
Clear improvement |
Reduced
capabilities |
|
Behavior |
Clear performance
benefits |
Confusing techniques |
| Real world |
Tests show
obvious benefits |
Tests show
uncertain results |
To evaluate overall training effectiveness, we enquire
whether a training offer testable specific results for specific actions
in specific contexts. Does a training include real-world tests to prove
that the promised results are gained? How does a trainer recommend that
students test and use the material?
|
Overall Training Effectiveness |
|
Sense of Life |
How do you experience your
sense of life after the training? |
| Identity |
How do you
experience yourself in relationships after the training? |
| Values |
How do
you enjoy your new
priorities after the training? |
| Beliefs |
How do you feel about the
training context after the training? |
|
Modeling |
What was the result of your test
for improved skills after the training? |
|
Behavior |
What was the result of your test
for rote behavior after the training? |
|
Reality |
What reality checks
were used before, during and after the training? |
What is Abusive Training?
Many courses are available to people seeking help
or wanting to help others and many trainers hurry to provide this popular
need. And some consequences tend to haunt abusive trainers - and their
students. Some questions that we find useful are:
- How can you recognize trainer abuse?
- Which trainers damage their students?
- How can you recognize abused students?
- How can people recover from toxic training?
- What does the trainer do to prevent student abuse?
Cult characteristics provide a useful measure of
organizational dysfunction which can lead to abuse in training. Many
cult characteristics have dimensions of compliance
and control. Some are:
| |
Role of Trainer |
Cult
Characteristic |
| Sense of Life |
Mentor, Facilitator or Coach |
Priest or Guru |
| Relationships |
Provide model for relationships |
Conformity &
idealized trainers |
| Priorities |
Provide model for priorities |
Closed narcissistic system |
| Performance |
Provide model for beliefs |
Dogma and secrets |
|
Capacity |
Change ability to learn |
Creativity is a
liability |
|
Behavior |
Teach repetitive techniques |
Learn rituals |
| Real world |
Help interpret feedback |
Avoid real world tests |
Recognizing Abused Students
People who receive abusive training or toxic mentorship
may suffer mentor damage.
Some common consequences of mentor damage by trainers are:
- Distrust self and own decisions
- Distrust all trainers and mentors
- Increase dependent relationships
- Become depressed & lose sense of life
- Depend on someone else to know the answers - a guru
- Become unable to create deep friendship or
lasting partnership
|
I took a NLP
course on hypnotic sales techniques. In it I was hypnotized a lot by the
trainer and by other students. Soon, love and spirituality were just word games ...
my wife and I divorced ... she got a restraining order to stop me seeing
our children ... but my sales definitely improved. Toronto, Canada |
There are heavy consequences to
the people who practice manipulative techniques.
Would you stay
in partnership or friendship with someone who does these things
to you;
or
someone who
boasts about how they manipulate their
family, friends or customers?
Continued in
Trainer Abuse 2
We can accept you and provoke you. We can encourage you and
challenge you.
Act now to explore your goals and dissolve your blocks.
Online Coaching & Training
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright ©
Martyn Carruthers 2005-2012 All rights reserved.
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