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Many health professionals
and patients use drugs as a substitute for change.
Self-medication
with alcohol, nicotine or anti-depressants, are easier
than applying intelligence and focus to complex relationship situations.
Relationships with Addicts
People who avoid talking about addictions know about how
prohibition is
attractive!
Addictions bring short-term relief and long-term nightmares.
Although some addictions are common and the consequences well known; many
intelligent and knowledgeable people become addicts. If
internet and other
compulsions and obsessions are included
with addiction, few people seem to be free.
Addictions fulfill a goal of I do not want to be me! - or
identity loss. Addictions help you dissociate
or not-feel unpleasant emotions. We can coach people through addictions,
and help people change the emotions and relationships that motivate addictive
behavior. But the longer it's left - the harder it gets.
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Ive done every drug you could name and
probably more. For a while I was doing them together, just to get away from
myself and my life. But the highs never last; I come down again and I am back.
Nothing changed except always a bit worse. London |
Drugs are not demons and drug addicts are not defective. Many addicts were
idealists who could not fulfill their dreams.
Millions of people are addicts - not only to heroin, morphine, amphetamines,
tranquilizers and cocaine, but also to alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, sugar,
masturbation, work, theft, gambling, internet, sex ... and to love.
Addicts and addictions are both very common. Look at these pictures of an
addict ... could you or someone you love follow this road to hell?
The consequences of addiction include brain damage, broken families
and profound suffering. Yet, if you ask an addict, Why do you to do this?"
their answers seem incomplete. I drink to forget what happened.
I smoke to avoid being fat. Gambling is in my blood. I can stop
whenever I want.
Relationships with Addicts
Relationships with addicts includes your relationship
with that person's addiction - and with its consequences. A relationship
with an addict demands that you participate in that person's addiction in
one way or another.
If you help addicts stay addicted - you may be a drug-dealer
or a casino employee ... or you may be
codependent or in an
addictive relationship.
Falling in love can feel profoundly wonderful; while falling out of love
can bring profound suffering. Our brains change when we are in love, in similar
ways to some mental illnesses or after taking addictive drugs. Falling in love can be
addictive, and falling out of love is similar to withdrawal
symptoms! Some people become addicted to romance, to love or to sex.
It is easy, and pointless, to blame an addict, an addictive
behavior or the predators who profit from addicted people. But
blaming won't help. We offer solutions - we help people who want to end their addictions, obsessions and compulsions.
Counseling and Coaching
We offer ways to change the emotional impact of memories; for individuals,
couples, families and teams. We can help you improve your relationships, resolve
guilt, experience a profound sense of integrity and connectedness, and find your
life goals. We help people assimilate and change fixations,
emotional trauma and
mentor damage.
People with alcohol or drug addictions can also contact one of the
many drug treatment hotlines for referrals to drug rehabs, recovery programs
and sober living environments.
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You gave me endless compassion and
no sympathy. You helped me find and expose my
deep passion ... safely ... passion that I had almost forgotten that I once had.
You were very tender and very tough as you helped me get the monkey off my back.
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Addiction: Benefits & Characteristics
Although chemical dependency may result from experiments with
addictive substances, few experiments seem to result in
addiction. Common benefits of addictions are:
- to experience pleasure
- to avoid boredom, pain or unpleasant emotions
- to fulfill the desires of an ancestor or family member
- to maintain a dependent or codependent relationship
Addictive relationships are in a different category and often indicate
fixations and
transferences. Our relationship coaching
has helped many people resolve addictive relationships.
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My addiction was a monster, always watching
and always waiting. It followed me everywhere. If I had one moment of weakness,
or despair, or panic, it would catch and devour me again.
I thought I could never, ever be free of its hunger ... yet now I am. You helped
me tame it. |
Overwhelming Emotions
If you suffer unpleasant emotions or self-talk, including guilt,
boredom, frustration & self-hatred, then a substance
or activity that reduces your unpleasant emotions (or unpleasant inner dialog),
even for a short time, may become addictive. This includes activities
that can be obsessive or compulsive, such as hand-washing, internet browsing,
compulsive working (workaholic) and gambling.
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Long term relief from unpleasant emotions
can be found by resolving relationship issues. Short term relief is found
by distracting attention, finding stronger sensations than the unpleasant
feelings or numbing the senses. If this relief becomes addictive, the
consequences are often worse than feeling bad.
Before & after - addict pictures
from BBC News |
We help people build emotional
intelligence and emotional maturity.
We coach people to accept their feelings and emotions, pleasant and unpleasant, as meaningful
communications - as useful feedback about life. We
coach people to manage how they express emotions.
Many popular therapies and New Age techniques
encourage people to dissociate their emotions. The relief of dissociating
unpleasant feelings may feel good, but dissociation can lead to further
identity loss, especially if such techniques
are mindlessly repeated until dissociation is automatic. Rehabilitation and
coaching are very cheap
compared to the costs of ignoring addictions.
Self Control & Self Sabotage
Many addicts suffer huge conflict. They may say Part of me
wants to do this, but another part of me wants to do something else.
Such parts often communicate with emotions and behaviors. Expressing
hidden emotions may fulfill lost or hidden parts of a people.
Conscious acknowledgement and internal mediation can bring peace.
We help people make peace with their parts.
Difficult Relationships
If a family needs a victim, a family member may feel compelled to fulfill a
victim role with an addiction. If a person with a family background of
addiction wants a relationship with an addict addiction may seem normal.
Many codependent people (and some therapists) seem addicted to helping
addicts. We help people unlock the doors of many addictions, by helping people
dissolve fixations and relationship
entanglements, and the obsessions, compulsions and addictions that often follow.
Trauma & Abuse
Many people want to forget - not assimilate - something bad. It could be the
shock of a war, the horror of being an unwanted child, or the terror of
being abused. If people want to forget parts of their lives -
identity loss can be a short-term blessing and a long-term curse. After
resolving inner conflicts, people can say Yes! when they want to
say yes, and they can say No! when they want to say no.
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When I smoked crack, I forgot my sadness! After I sorted out my relationships, cocaine
seemed much less interesting. After a few sessions with you, my addiction with cocaine
became more and more like a bad dream - a past nightmare.
Amsterdam, Holland |
Mentors & Role Models
Many people look for inspiration in the lives of others. Many children
follow a parent and try to duplicate them. A teenager may
follow a sport figure or music star. Employees may overwork to
demonstrate loyalty to a manager. If the role model is an addict,
a person may follow the model ... into addiction.
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I gambled because my mother did - I had
no control - I thought it was genetic. Gambling helped me feel close
to my mother. You helped me accept my mother as she is. Now I can
be with my mother as her daughter without having to gamble - or get upset
about it. |
We assist motivated adults in their long-term recovery.
We help people find themselves and heal their
relationships. We coach people regain their sense of life. Act now to make
healthier choices.
Online Coaching &
Training
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers
1997-2012 All rights reserved |
