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In physics, entanglement is a relationship between two
systems which influence each other.
The state of one part of an entangled system affects
the state of the other without direct interaction.
Entanglement also seems to describe many human relationships.
Are you Entangled?
You probably have many habits - the things
you do with little or no thought. Your ability to enjoy your life and your
relationships reflect your habits ... and you habits reflect your personal
history, your family and cultural traditions ... and your entanglements.
Emotional and relationship entanglements can
hurt you ... and the people you love. And relationship entanglements are very,
very common. The most common symptom is that you feel irrational emotions ...
emotions that do not feel your own or do not feel adult ... emotions that are
more appropriate to another time ... another place ... another person.
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Are You Entangled? |
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Identification |
You identify with another person |
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Substitution |
You pretend that you are someone else |
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Projection |
You project your prejudices onto someone |
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Codependence |
You depend on someone who depends on you |
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Injustice |
You try to atone for somebody's unjust behavior |
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Guilt |
You feel depressed although you have not hurt anyone |
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Belief Bonds |
You must believe something to feel close to someone |
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Transference |
You perceive a
person as if that person were someone else |
Are you bothered by emotional reactions,
confusion or relationship habits following events such as
codependence, emotional
incest or abuse by therapists?
We help people free themselves from emotional and relationship entanglements. (See
Victim Identification and
Quantum Thinking)
Healthy Detachment
Cults, marketers and politicians enmesh
people to control their behavior. And so do many families. There may be rules, but
often the rules are taboo ... the rules cannot be discussed. If it is against
the rules to know the rules - you can only lose.
Do you sometimes act like a lost child or like a
victim? Do you often play victimizer, victim or rescuer roles? Many people
devote their lives to playing such games. These role-playing games
can be intense ... and they have very high stakes. You bet your life.
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Common Signs of Entanglement |
| Excuses |
Blaming |
Complaining |
Criticizing |
| Threatening |
Coercing |
Begging |
Gossiping |
| Don't say what you mean |
Don't take yourself seriously |
Claim everything is your fault |
Never say "No" |
| Don't mean what you say |
Tell people not to take you seriously |
Claim nothing is your fault |
Never say "Yes" |
| Don't know what you mean |
Take yourself too seriously |
Avoid talking about yourself |
Lie, protect and cover up for people |
| Apologize for being alive |
Are never sure what is being
discussed |
Talk too much |
Talk in self-critical, or hostile ways |
| Only say what provokes people |
Only express
opinions when people will agree |
Claim to sacrifice your happiness
for others |
Cannot express emotions
appropriately |
| Compulsive spending |
Believe lies |
Tell lies |
Become workaholic |
Many people are manipulated by - and
manipulate others by - sexual entanglements. People who provide sexual
pleasure - often without receiving pleasure themselves - are not
altruists. They expect some benefit. Other common entanglements are
in sales and marketing - good looking young women can be used to sell
just about anything.
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Partnership & Sexual Entanglements |
- Do you initiate sex when you feel bad?
- Can you ask for what you want in bed?
- Do you withdraw from your sex partner?
- Do you have sex when you don't want to?
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- Have you lost interest in sex?
- Is sex just robotic movements?
- Do you consider intimate affairs?
- Do you invent excuses to avoid sex?
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Sexual
Abuse . Sexual Solutions
. Sexual Issues
. Sexual Affairs
Long-Term Entanglements
Many codependent entanglements
and dysfunctional disorders get worse over time, moving through
symbiosis towards codependence and then
to disconnection - to having no quality relationships. You may become
addicted to your own emotions - or obsessed with hiding emotions.
Codependence is a common form of entanglement ...
A few questions about your emotions can indicate
your level of codependence ...
| Anger / Rage |
Fear / Anxiety |
Sadness / Melancholy |
- Are you afraid of your own anger?
- Are you frightened of other people's anger?
- Do you hide or swallow your anger?
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- Are you afraid of authorities?
- Do you fear being abandoned?
- Are you anxious about consequences?
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- Do you proclaim your sadness?
- Do you punish people who make you sad?
- Do you feel guilt for feeling melancholy?
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Human entanglements often include avoiding or overloading responsibility.
Entangled adults often appear immature and childish, or may be obsessive
(control freaks) about other people's behavior. Protection is often a
small step from control. Mothering can become smothering.
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Entanglements & Responsibility |
- Do you give unwanted advice?
- Must you help people with problems?
- Do you obsess about people's needs?
- Do you try to please other people (but not yourself)?
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- Do you feel victimized?
- Are you overly responsible?
- Are you overly irresponsible?
- Do you only attract needy people?
- Are you attracted to needy people?
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Intelligence is not wisdom. Intelligent people often feel
entangled if they cannot find logical solutions for problems that less
intelligent people cannot even perceive. We help people
explore their emotions, improve their relationships and develop their
emotional maturity.
Most people need to suffer before they seek help. People need to
have suffered enough to change. Have you suffered enough? Some common ways that
entangled people suffer are:
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Are You Entangled?
- Elite: You feel that you are very special.
- Guilt: You cannot enjoy your own success.
- Commitment: You cannot commit to a partner.
- Confusion: You cannot identify your own needs.
- Obsessive: You endure compulsions or addictions.
- Emotions: You try to not-feel your irrational emotions.
- Passive-Aggressive: You are afraid of your own anger.
- Sexual Dysfunction: You may become celibate or a sex
addict.
- Impulsive: You act without considering long-term
consequences.
- Distractions: You search for short-term fun - not
lasting happiness.
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We coach people to untangle from their parents' lives and ancestors' drama ...
and build lives based on emotional freedom - not on emotional bonds!
Online
Coaching & Mentorship to Untangle Your Life
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright �
Martyn Carruthers 2002-2012 All rights reserved. |
