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Do you feel empty inside? Do you take drugs instead of improving your relationships?
Drugs are easier than
applying intelligence, focus and analytical skills to improve relationships
- but drugs have consequences. We help people sort out
emotional and relationship issues;
and recover their sense of self.
Solutions for Identity
Issues 2 . Spirituality & Identity Loss
It is unwise to ponder personal
identity issues while driving!
Were you taught how to express your emotions? And, as you matured,
did our competitive societies insist that
you ignore or deny your emotions? Were you encouraged to not-feel? When I ask people how they feel - I most often hear, "Not bad".
Would that be your best emotional communication too?
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Ask a man how he feels and you
may hear what he thinks.
Ask a woman what she thinks and you may hear how she feels. |
Many people dissociate from their feelings sometimes, and
some people seem dissociated most of the time. Such people may look normal, and
are often very intelligent, yet they may seem to be insincere, shallow and dry.
Dissociated people often say that they feel empty - but under
their emptiness are usually layers of guilt, fear and anger -
compounded by beliefs of unworthiness.
Probing this emptiness can disturb people who avoid their
feelings - feelings that they may call irrational, bad, stupid or negative.
If some crisis, real or imagined, triggers these
emotions, they may use nicotine, alcohol, illegal drugs or psychiatric
medication to lessen their uncomfortable feelings!
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Emotions can be likened to an old radio.
If you lower the intensity of one - you intensity the volume of them all. |
We help people explore and manage their emotions. We are
careful when we coach dissociated people as this often means exploring
hidden feelings and buried emotional events. We only help people who
want to feel better ... and think clearer ... as they walk through life. We help
people pull themselves together and remember who they really are.
Some people lose or hide their identities to avoid
relationship disappointments (such as regrets, guilt or
shame). They may replace their sense of life with depressing fantasies,
or try to lose
themselves in movies, video games, philosophies or
drugs - they may replace life with distractions!
Identity Loss, Dissociation & Dissociative Disorders
If children are punished for expressing their
emotions (e.g. anger, sadness
or anxiety), they learn to hide or not-feel their feelings. When these
emotions are triggered by some event or crisis - the emotions may be more
appropriate for a disturbed child. The expression of hidden
inappropriate emotions may be called emotional disorders, personality disorders
or psychosomatic symptoms, etc.
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After 5 years of marriage, I hoped
that one of us would get sick and die. I felt like an empty shell.
When my mother asked about my marriage, I just walked away.
I was not missing in action - I was dead on arrival! Everything I am
- was gone! Denver, USA
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If dissociated emotions remain dissociated, this
loss of personal identity may impair relationships (except with other
dissociated people), inhibit memory
and limit flexibility. Dissociative disorders refer to behavioral
habits
of people who repress unpleasant emotions - usually emotions that result from or are associated with
traumatic memories and abusive relationships.
Few people with identity loss or chronic dissociation
can define their goals. Even endless encouragement may not help them.
The best goals they can state may be negative, abstract or conflicted, often stated
as complaints e.g. "I just don't want to feel so empty all
the time!"
[Include some basic psychobiology of cerebral
cortex - hind-brain communication].
For us, identity loss refers to a loss of sense
of self. Many people, following trauma, abuse, membership in cult-like
organizations or therapy damage, lose
access to some of their human qualities. These qualities may be replaced
with unpleasant emotions, compulsive behavior and confusion.
People with chronic identity loss may not seem to have much personality to express.
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I felt hollow, like I was
disappearing. The only thing that gave me comfort was sleep.
I wanted me back. Nothing gave me real pleasure. I just
wanted to sleep and cry ...
and since our coaching started, I feel that I am coming back. Miami, USA |
Extreme identity loss may be called
nervous breakdown
or emotional breakdown. Many people become frustrated, angry and
anxious, and later dull and empty, devoid of anything except irritation
and boredom. A rich sense of life may be replaced by a fearful need for
distraction.
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I used to be full of life and had
lots of energy, but since my divorce I feel totally empty ...
I am 41 ...
I am diagnosed with chronic fatigue
... but it's more like some huge
part
of me is missing. All I do is
watch television. Leeds, UK
After three sessions
I started feeling strange, and after two more sessions
my crazy emotions started making sense. Now I can check
my feelings about
most things - and I am starting to feel motivated again!
Leeds, UK |
We help people
resolve issues such as:
- Has few goals and little
sense of self
- Cannot describe feelings or
what is important
- Feels unpleasantly bonded
to someone, yet cannot leave
- Shows obsessions,
compulsions and strong limiting beliefs
- Goals swing between two extremes
(may be diagnosed as bipolar)
- Attempts to live someone
else's life, showing chronic irrational emotions
Many people experience these common symptoms
sometimes. If the lost qualities represent a significant portion
of a person's identity, the symptoms of identity loss
become easier to recognize.
People may lose access to some of their human
qualities during or following trauma, adoption,
abuse, therapist damage
or membership in cult-like organizations. This loss of self may
accompany or follow stress or distress at home or at work.
Depression is common if life lacks sense.
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We describe Identity Loss
as an inability to access emotions and qualities that are central to
a sense of self and sense of life. This loss often follows relationship
distress and manifests as chronic dissociation or chronic
inappropriate emotions. |
A few dissociated people become desperate, and they may harm themselves or
others. Such people may feel armored, invulnerable and emotionless. They are
probably unsuitable for our coaching and should seek local help - hopefully
quickly.
Dissociation & New Age Techniques
Dissociating is easy. Many so-called therapies and New
Age techniques are just ways to dissociate. Have you been told to clear
your emotions, to throw away your self-talk, to destroy your ego, to
leave
your thoughts behind you? Were you advised to ask some esoteric
entity to take away your feelings? The consequences of such
cures can be worse than the symptoms ...
Dissociation is simple - and the consequences may be complex.
Repeated dissociation may result in lasting identity loss; maybe accompanied
by addictive and obsessive behavior, and perhaps by membership in cult-like
organizations, as people strive to feel human and connected again.
We help people recognize, resolve and find lasting
solutions for identity loss. We help people find and recover themselves
again. We help people learn from their pasts to create their futures.
We coach people to resolve emotions - and to clarify the relationships
in which those emotions were created.
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Recovering identity loss includes
recovering your feelings and emotions that were dissociated during stress
or suggestion. As you accept and resolve your unpleasant feelings,
all your emotions become resources for your integrated
personality.
There's no such thing as a "bad" feeling or a "negative"
emotion!
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Part 2:
Solutions for Identity Issues
Resolve Identity Loss
We help people resolve identity loss and sometimes to
develop their spiritual identity. We
coach people to dissolve the consequences of stress or abuse and recover
emotions that were denied, hidden or split off. We help people
retrieve and explore their dissociated feelings and childish emotions ...
and integrate those resources to become more mature and resourceful. Perhaps we
can help you.
We hope that you never shut
yourself down and lose (or hide) your identity.
But if you have, we can help you come back to life.
Online
Coaching & Mentorship for Identity Issues
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright ©
Martyn Carruthers 2003-2012 All rights reserved.
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