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Do you suffer from immature habits? Are you enmeshed in childish emotions?
Do you want to clean up your life and reclaim your freedom?
Emotional
Maturity: Part 2
Are you Growing Up - or just Growing Old?
Part of growing up is questioning our
possibilities, proving our abilities
and challenging our family's choices.
Many people seem to stop growing up at
some age, and cease maturing themselves. Some adults often behave like children or teenagers
(and some countries seem to accept that as normal). One of our key questions
is, "How old do they behave in
their relationships?"
Mature adults can cope with marriage, illness,
divorce, parenthood, careers and unemployment. When mature people want help -
they find help quickly. As much of our changework includes coaching people to
enjoy mature relationships, we need to quickly assess a person's maturity. We
ask questions like:
- Do you accept reality as it is?
- Do you adapt to changing realities?
- Do you solve your problems promptly?
- Do you cope with losses and setbacks?
- Do you take responsibility for your finances?
- Do you live realistically, conscious of your mortality?
- Do you accept your age and continue your development?
- Do you concern yourself with social problems
and solutions?
- Do you feel good about your successes and enjoy
your relationships?
- Do you stay in integrity, despite temptations,
compromises and conflicts?
Youth fades - immaturity lingers.
Maturity is not a reward for good children or good students.
Maturity isn't part of college graduation or military service.
Some people mature early, and some seem to avoid it for decades.
See
Emotional Intelligence.
Most young people have a sense of romance, a precursor of
adult wisdom. Romantic idealism may be wonderful
for teenagers - wisdom, clarity and wit can form a basis for maturity.
Most children want to play with toys and most teenagers want to have fun. Mature
adults want to live
meaningful lives.
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My husband acts like a teenager. He walks
away unexpectedly, he demands that I wait on him
and he will not help with the housework. We are both university professors but he
often behaves like a first year student. How can I make him grow up? Texas
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Few people deliberately sabotage their own happiness. We find
that childhood stress and relationship disappointments (such as abuse or
covert
incest) can cause attention deficit disorders that persist into adult life -
when triggered by events that wake up a dissociated or split-off inner child.
Can you recognize your
immature habits. Can you change them?
Maturity doesn't just happen. We coach and mentor people to mature.
Childish adults want toys, games and substitutes for parents.
When immature people want help (often) they may act like needy children or
helpless victims. Immature people need mature mentorship and to develop true
self-esteem but seek shallow relationships
and instant gratification. See Codependence.
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You helped me settle things in my mind.
You showed me that change is not the end of the world. Most people do
it. It's called maturity.
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Emotional maturity seems to be a prerequisite
for lasting happiness, and we associate it with self-esteem and a sense of
integrity. We associate immaturity with unhealthy, codependent
relationships.
Youth Fades - Immaturity Lingers
We bend our coaching to fit people - we do
not bend people to fit our coaching!
Immature behavior often seems to follow childhood
trauma or inadequate parenting. Immature people often seem to be stuck
at ages corresponding to unhealed abuse or unassimilated trauma. We coach people who want to change.
One sign of maturity is that
you can be right without needing to make others wrong.
Mature people can retain or regain many of their youthful
strengths. You can retain or regain your capacity for wonder, pleasure and
playfulness, your affiliation and curiosity, and your idealism and passion.
Our unique coaching can help you recover and integrate these qualities with
your adult maturity, wisdom, knowledge and responsibility - with
your strength and vision.
Another sign of maturity is that you
perceive your parents as ordinary people.
Keys to emotional maturity include
self-esteem, clarity and a stable sense of
integrity. Then, dissolve mentor damage and
find inspirational mentors for living the life you want. If you want to heal
stress disorders, emotional blocks and fixations, we can help you.
Key Qualities of Emotional Maturity
Do you believe that you can learn and improve your emotional
intelligence, or it is an inborn characteristic that you are stuck with? Can you
identify, evaluate and manage your emotions?
Identify - can you feel and label your own emotions?
Evaluate - can you assess the benefits and consequences of acting on your
feelings? Manage - can you choose how you react when you feel emotional?
- Self-control: accepts and controls passions,
emotions, desires, choose what is right
- Wisdom: understanding; insight; learns from
experience; appropriate decisions; handle stress
- Responsibility: accountable for
own actions, finances; work habits and reliability
- Independence: make decisions and observes
consequences - to make better decisions
- Self-esteem: inner fulfillment,
enjoys life, experience oneself as a source of love
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Martyn, thank you ...
I better understand why my oldest son had such difficulties
with his marriages. He's nearly 40 but inside he's still a teenager
... Newark, USA
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Are you Emotionally Mature or Emotionally Retarded?
Many people who were abused or distressed
during childhood seem to avoid maturity. They may have only seen immature
behavior at home on television and at the cinema. They may not know what
healthy behavior looks like. We help people explore their life choices
and we coach people to make decisions.
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Examples of Maturity |
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Physical / Biological Maturity |
Cognitive / Psychological Maturity |
- the age of the body
- ability to parent a child
- muscle mass and body shape
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- select information from available data
- apply information by making decisions
- understand and tolerate different views
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Emotional Maturity |
Relationship Maturity |
- liking yourself
- responsible for own decisions
- maintain self-control under stress
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- be friendly and share resources
- cooperate with peers and teams
- communicate data and decisions
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You can compare
a person's emotional control, decision-making and relationship skills
with the requirements of the relationships in which that person
participates. Most people seem to be as mature as they choose to be. See
Emotional Maturity 2
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Some Indications of Emotional Maturity |
- resourceful under stress
- settles conflicts peacefully
- takes personal responsibility
- can delay gratification of goals
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- dependable and resourceful
- perseveres to complete projects
- makes decisions and keeps them
- solves problems without complaining
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Evaluate Your Maturity
Children and childish adults often want everything now,
and tend to avoid anything they do not like. They know little of personal
responsibility and usually depend on other people for care and protection.
They may want their wishes to manifest without effort and they often
want to magic problems away.
- Can you accept your own feelings?
- Can you cope with sudden change?
- Do you want better control of your impulses?
- Can you express your emotions appropriately?
- Are you responsible for your actions and behavior?
Cute childish habits are often pathetic when used by adults.
We help people change immature habits or impulsive
behaviors. Here are some not-so-easy steps.
- Eliminate magical thinking
- Deal with anxiety and depression
- Use failures as source of feedback
- Assimilate relationship disappointments
- Express unpleasant emotions appropriately
Sometimes it seems that most girls are trained to become women,
while many boys are trained to become teenagers. Mature adults can delay their
gratification and desires, and can control their impulses. If you were
not trained to be mature, you can stay childish - or we can help you develop
your emotional intelligence - your self-control, wisdom and responsibility.
Maturity includes
honesty, candor, perseverance and responsibility.
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Do you cause friends and family
to suffer because
you behave in immature ways and you won't grow up? |
Emotional
Maturity: Part 2
Online Coaching
for Emotional Maturity
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2005-2012
All rights reserved | 
