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Your relationships can only be as
fulfilling as your maturity allows. Are you trying to extend
your youth ... or your childhood? Immature adults usually create
relationship and life chaos.
Many adults try to use drugs as a substitute for maturity!
Continued from: Emotional
Maturity 1
Your life reflects your maturity. If you want to
improve your success, your relationships, your health or your happiness,
perhaps consider if you have really grown up - or if you have just
grown older.
- Your physical age indicates how many years
your body has been alive.
- Your social maturity compares your social
development to your physical age.
- Your intellectual quotient (IQ) compares
your intelligence to your physical age.
- Your emotional maturity compares your
emotional maturity to your physical age.
You can improve your physical health and your IQ, your
social awareness and your maturity. Emotional maturity is difficult for
children and for people stuck in childish consciousness ... for example
people who habitually complain, make excuses, justify mistakes and blame
others.
Emotional Coaching for Emotional Maturity
Compare your behavior with people whom you consider to
be emotionally immature and emotionally mature. If you find yourself more
on the immature side, we can help you evolve. If you find yourself
on the mature side, consider becoming a coach or mentor!
Immature people often demand immediate gratification. They
have trouble waiting. They may seem thoughtless, moody and impulsive. They
often have chaotic relationships and finances.
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Emotional
Immaturity |
Emotional Maturity |
| Love |
Love is need. Demands affection but avoids
showing weakness except as a ploy. Has difficulty sharing and accepting love. |
Love is sharing. Fosters
a sense of security which allows vulnerability, honesty and strength. Can
express and accept love. |
| Emotions |
Cannot handle frustration or criticism;
jealous and moody. May have temper tantrums and fear any change. |
Use emotions as motivation.
When frustrated, they set goals and seek solutions. |
| Reality |
Avoids and denies money and
relationship problems which require integrity. Seeks people to accuse and blame. |
Confronts and analyzes problems
promptly. Seeks many solutions and chooses the best. Accepts responsibility. |
| Give & Take |
May be willing to give, but not take; or
willing to take, but not give. |
Increases the quality of
life of loved people. Accepts appropriate help with pleasure. |
| Feedback |
Does not learn from experience. Pleasant
or unpleasant experiences are called luck or fate. Little personal
responsibility. |
Life is learning.
Accepts responsibility and learns from feedback.
Looks for opportunities to grow, to love and to share. Moves on. |
| Stress |
Avoids reality. Pessimistic & angry.
Attacks when frustrated. Often anxious. |
Relaxed and confident
in their ability to solve problems, plan and achieve their goals. |
| Relating |
Dependent, easily influenced and
impulsive. Avoids responsibility for actions or deficiencies. Sensitive
to criticism, but often insensitive to others' feelings. |
Independent, team-worker
or manager as required. Cooperative. Experiences empathy, and compassion.
A good friend, colleague, partner and parent. |
Immature adults are not children nor teenagers - they
are self-centered, egotistic and selfish adults. They may have
little regard for others and be preoccupied with their own feelings
and symptoms. They may demand constant attention, sympathy and compliments.
They may avoid participation if they can't have their own way or be
recognized as the best. They may obsess about impressing other people.
Teenagers & Emotional Maturity
Teenage years can be difficult. Teenagers are no longer children
but not yet adults. Teens may feel overwhelmed by their emotional and physical
changes. They may be hormones with feet. They may be pressured by friends,
teachers, parents and relatives. They may want to comply, they may want to
impress and they may want to rebel ... simultaneously. They may feel confused.
Few teens can act like mature adults. They need a safe
space to explore their transition. Many teens struggle with their
dependence while desperately wanting independence. They may experiment
with clothing, behaviors, ideas and values as they try to define their
identities and goals. They may swing between selflessly idealistic
and selfishly irresponsible within a few minutes.
We often coach motivated parents to mentor their teenage
children to accelerate the formation of adult identities, adult emotional
reality and adult goals.
How can you help Teenagers?
Communicate your values, expectations and limits. Teens
decide how they feel about themselves in large part by how their parents
react to them. Perhaps insist on honesty, self-control and respect,
while allowing teenagers their own space. Acceptance, enthusiasm and
boundaries may be the most important parental behaviors.
Avoid focusing only on problems. Avoid complaining and
criticism. Praise appropriate behavior. Give teens positive, caring
feedback. Consider getting our systemic coaching for yourself and your
teen - simultaneously. We can coach you both to look forward towards
achieving your goals, we can help you turn your visions into reality.
Warning Signs
Teenagers, especially teens in problematic families,
risk harmful behavior and lasting damage. Some warning signs
of teenage problems are:
- Quickly bored
- Weight gain or loss
- Trouble concentrating
- Melancholy or sadness
- Drop in marks or grades
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- Low sense of self-worth
- Trouble sleeping or waking up
- Not caring about people or things
- Fatigue, low energy, little motivation
- Obsession with morbid (blood & guts)
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Don't just hope that teen problems will just go away. Talk to
teens and listen carefully. It is easier to resolve problems when
the problems are small. You and your teens can learn to work through problems
together. Strive to be a role model for mature behavior. We offer you our
online coaching.
Practical Emotional Maturity
We find that emotional maturity can change and be developed,
although some researchers claim that it is fixed and unchangeable. Perhaps
this depends on how motivation is measured.
Kevin Everett FitzMaurice described six levels of emotional maturity (from
“SELF-CONCEPT: The Enemy Within”):
- Emotional Responsibility
- Emotional Honesty
- Emotional Openness
- Emotional Assertiveness
- Emotional Understanding
- Emotional Detachment
Search for a sense of life that gives you a perspective
of humanity, not only self-interest. This helps build emotional maturity
and define worthwhile goals. If you enrich your own life and the
lives of others, you can find a satisfaction and relief that seems to
be reserved for the emotionally mature.
We can help you ...
- Understand and accept yourself. We can offer candid feedback about your behavior,
so that you can see yourself as others see you.
We can help you accept reality and deal with it.
- Practice being unselfish, notice how
people respond to you differently and compare the responses with how people react to
your selfishness. Which reactions do you prefer?
- Find win-win solutions to conflicts and avoid dominating or manipulating other people. If a solution to a problem isn't good for both
of you, it probably won't be good for either of you.
- Evaluate the reactions of your friends and social contacts
and notice which situations which bring out your best ... and your worst.
We can coach you to choose and accept
appropriate responsibilities as a basis for respecting yourself.
We coach and mentor people to remove
emotional blocks to self-esteem
and gain a sense of life that is only available to the emotionally mature.
Online Coaching for
Emotional Maturity
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers
2005-2012 All rights reserved |
