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Do you want coaching or training on
couple coaching, dissolving affairs,
family constellations and building mature relationships?
Do you want an Affair,
Codependence or
Partnership?
Are you searching for a partner? Creating a new adult
partnership is as stressful as partnership
breakdown, although the relationship stress is often hidden
by romantic feelings.
We can help you evaluate your motivation and your objections.
We can help you create a plan to find, attract, evaluate appropriate partners.
Expect problems if you seek a partner to protect and support; as your
partnership might quickly become a substitute for a parenting an adult child.
Expect problems if you or your potential partner (or both) are still married or in
long-term partnership and one of you must separate
or divorce
- especially if one of you has
children.
Many partnership problems follow affairs,
abortion or adoption. If you want to resolve these and
other issues -
see: Enjoying
Partnership .
Evaluating Partnership
. Space for Love
Keep on keeping on - Getting Ready
This is not a quick fix. The good and bad news is that your
life reflects your perceptions, beliefs, habits and values. If you want lasting
happiness, you may need to change not just your behavior or beliefs, but your
identity - the composite of who you are. These questions can help you check if
you have something to sort out first.
- Are you at peace with any
past partners?
- Do you have a vision of "happy partnership"?
- Are you emotionally mature
and independent?
- Do you want to change something about yourself
first?
- Are you prepared for
predictable partnership challenges?
- Have you listed the important qualities you seek
in a partner?
- Are you emotionally entangled with a parent
(emotional incest)?
Finding a Potential Partner
These questions can help you check if you
know how to find potential partners.
- Can you easily say "No"
to unsuitable people?
- Can you be honest with potentially
difficult topics?
- Do you know where you can meet potential
partners?
- Do you take care to look and feel
good wherever you go?
- Can you start a conversation and ask
someone for a date?
- Can you discuss serious topics (maybe
not on the first date)?
- Do you have the courage to approach
prospects and begin conversation?
Acceptance & Gratitude in Partnership .
Partnership Breakdown .
Past Partners
Evaluating Suitable Potential Partners
These questions are to help you evaluate potential partners
and check if that person has something to sort out before commencing
partnership. We can help you.
- Does this person have clear parenthood goals?
- What is this person's vision of "happy
partnership"?
- Is this person emotionally mature and independent?
- Has this person clarified relationships with
past partners?
- Is this person emotionally entangled with a
parent or past partner?
- Does this person want to do something before committing
to partnership?
- Does this person seek a partner to fill
unmet needs (e.g. money or protection).
| Healthy
Partnership |
Relationship in
Crisis |
| Partners show
appreciation and gratitude to each other |
One or both are
often dissociated, irritated, depressed or critical |
| Partners respond to most
verbal and nonverbal communications |
One or both
ignore, avoid or shorten most communications |
| Partners review
events in their history |
They rarely review their
relationship history |
| Partners greet after time
apart and ask about each other's activities and other news |
They rarely interact when
together, without even silent intimacy |
| Partners enjoy meeting
each other's needs for passion, intimacy and commitment |
One or both often ignore or
even criticize the other's goals and needs |
| Partners discuss goals
and dreams, finding shared values and creating shared meanings. |
They rarely discuss
goals, values or
dreams |
| Partners share
meals and housework together |
One person often
cooks or cleans alone |
| Partners often go out
together |
They generally
prefer to go out alone |
| Partners create projects
which require committed cooperation |
One or both often
avoid, ignore or give small attention to shared projects |
| They wish to stay together
to enjoy sharing partnership and parenthood happiness |
One or both want to separate but
cannot because of guilt, fear or constraints |
| They respect most of each
other's choices and decisions, and politely discuss differences |
One or both show contempt
for the other's decisions and angrily demand changes |
| Partners want happiness
together |
One or both prefer
happiness alone |
Making Mature Decisions
We find that if either of you make partnership decisions with
pessimistic expectations (usually based on your parents' partnerships), you will
probably fulfill those expectations. Can you both participate with the intention
to learn how to create mature happiness together?
The following questions can help you and your potential partner check
if you have something to sort out before committing to a long-term partnership.
Although both your values and plans will likely change ...
many times ... and not at the same times ... lasting happiness is possible.
- Do you feel ready to walk through life with another
person at your side?
- Do you both want to commit to caring for communication
and building trust?
- Can you plan your partnership together ... a
double vision of your life together?
- Can you both arrange and accept partnership skills
education when you need it?
- Are you clear about the qualities and deficiencies you each
bring to a partnership?
- Are you clear about each other's expectations about work,
play, money and children?
- Please add your experience to this list ...
Online
Coaching for Emotional Maturity
My partnership is much better than I even hoped was possible.
This was neither easy nor effortless. It takes two full ongoing commitments. |
Online Relationship Coaching
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2003-2011
All rights reserved. |
