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Humor is a Contact Sport!
Can You be Funny? .
Funny Coaching Stories
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A sense of humor is a normal asset of
happy people, yet humor is more than making people laugh. Humor can
help you welcome and bond to people, put problems into perspective, improve performance, promote creativity and energize communications.
It can also do the opposite of all of these.
"Didn't we meet in
?"
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Does humor look easy? Being funny is a delicate balancing
act and you might fall. Humor can attract and alienate people. How many
times have you heard someone plead, "But I was only joking!"
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My humor lost me my job. I made fun of our
working situation but none of my co-workers thought it was funny, and they told
my boss who was definitely not amused.
Joking can be hazardous to your wealth! |
Most people seem to believe that a sense of
humor is an asset, but they may forget a key word ... appropriate.
Only appropriate humor allows you to interact and bond with people, to address
sensitive ideas or topics without causing offense and to encourage people
to express themselves.
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Martyn, your humor made the
difference. You helped me laugh at my problems,
and you never laughed at me. You helped me kick myself out of my
depression. |
Humor can take many forms. I rarely remember
jokes but I enjoy telling funny observations, puns (people groan, not laugh)
and metaphors. And an awareness of humor helps me recognize and enjoy Freudian
slips (multi-level unconscious communication). E.g. "I am itching to
get rid of this allergy".
People seem more inclined to express their
humor in an atmosphere of trust and familiarity.
Humor and laughter can be a social glue with friends, and
help build trust and familiarity with clients and students.
Origins of Humor
Studies of humor date back to Plato and Aristotle,
who subscribed to a theory of superiority. Charles Darwin wrote about
humor in The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals (1872).
Freud wrote that humor is relief and some philosophers say
that humor is a leftover of childish play.
The discussion of humor by biologists,
psychologists and psychiatrists has not seen humor explained. Although
theories about humor are abundant, real research into humor seems to be
complicated by a conflict with serious scientific investigation.
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I have coached professional comedians as well as particularly funny adults, and explored the
origins of their humor. These people often seemed to have developed being
funny as a way to cope
with home or school problems as a child, often as a way to gain popularity.
I would prefer a free bottle in front of me
than a pre-frontal lobotomy.
Men seem to be funnier
than women; or perhaps humor is more important to men. "Who can tell the best
joke / make more people laugh?" I also note that many funny people seemed to drink excessive alcohol.
What's the connection? Escaping reality, perhaps?
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Who MUST be Funny?
Occasionally, someone asks for coaching or
therapy and then tries to entertain us. Maybe they don't know how to stop
being funny, or perhaps humor is the only way they can communicate. Or maybe
they perceive our provocative-humorous coaching philosophy as a challenge.
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> Your humor article is almost funny :) I should
warn you, that if you coach all people
> around you to be healthy, wealthy and happy, you might get bored to death
... You
> might be more mature, but I believe that I am a funnier writer.
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Such people can be hilarious, with clever
responses for every question, although their goals tend to be abstract and
complex with many conflicts. My attempts to manage this
type of humor by ignoring or rejecting it always failed - such people are
usually funnier, faster and more flexible than me.
I tend to enjoy their wit and guess out loud
some
consequences of their inappropriate humor. I may add that I enjoy people who are mature enough to choose the right time and place
for humor.
My coaching style often helps
people access,
mature and integrate split-off parts.
Yet with increased emotional maturity,
these funny people often lose a compulsion to be funny. They
could still cause me and others to laugh out loud, but they become better
at choosing the times and places for fun.
Humor for Coaches, Therapists & Trainers
In spite of many compelling reasons for
using humor, few helping professionals seem to design it into their work.
Some tell me that they are professionals, that they do not
want to be perceived as funny, or that they lack confidence in
their ability to make people laugh. Yet these same people probably create
and share humor with family members, friends and colleagues, regularly.
Years ago I attended a training with Dr Patch
Adams (the real one, not Robin Williams). Perhaps Patch Adams' gave me permission to be funny with clients.
Patch Adams: If you treat
a disease, you win or you lose.
If you treat a person, I guarantee that you'll win, no matter the outcome.
You can get some comedy audios and videos
and learn some patterns, and how to set up humor for a good effect. Once
I had a rental car for a month, in which a Robin
Williams' cassette "Live at the Met" had been left, and I played
it endlessly. On return home I entertained my friends; and later one said,
"Last night I watched a Robin Williams show on TV ... he stole your jokes
but you told them better!"
If you give presentations or trainings,
perhaps chat with some members of the audience before you start. This
can help build your sense of familiarity with them, with a bonus that
the conversations may give you some ideas that you can safely
share with the audience later.
We can coach you to
discover, build and express your sense of humor.
People who Laugh Together Stay Together
Even if you can tell jokes well, there may
be some stories and types of humor that you may be wise to ignore. Used well,
your humor can distract people from stress and offer solutions for problems.
Humor is valuable in relationships ... couples and families who are
happy together usually stay together.
Even if you think that you have no sense of
humor, you can develop it. If you want to improve your joy of life - get
our coaching! We can help you find your funny side and feel more comfortable
letting it show. We can coach you to exercise your humor muscles and strengthen
your funny bones.
Perhaps you can already amuse your friends
and relatives ... why not ask them for feedback? And maybe you
can benefit from some improvement. Some things that you can do are:
- Get our humor coaching
- Expand your repertoire of stories
- Lighten up and notice life's funny moments
- Collect personal stories for future
presentations
- Be willing to laugh at yourself and at your
mistakes
- Ask funny friends for tips and tricks on how
they improved their humor
- Talk to more people. Compliments are a good
way to start conversations.
- Use gestures or facial expressions that
express the opposite of your words
- If you smile and laugh more often, you may
see humor that you didn't see before
- Watch comedies and read funny articles.
Notice how professionals tell funny stories.
If people like you -
they will usually laugh with you!
And if they laugh with you - they will usually like you!
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During a job interview, I was asked by the
panel what I thought was my best asset.
I replied "No matter how bad
things get, I can usually see the funny side". The panel seemed to
like that. Later they asked what I thought was my greatest liability,
and I gave the same answer. There was general hilarity ... and I got the job.
Martyn |
Which Type of Humor to Use?
Your clients or audience decide what is
funny - not you! As you build a repertoire of funny stories, perhaps build a
repertoire of funny styles.
If you learn to use different styles of humor....you will have more funny
stories ... and more fun. Develop your flexibility! Here are some ways to be
funny:
Dark humor (black comedy) is about
violent, gross or depressing topics. (Emergency workers often have great dark
humor. If a victim is the source of the fun it may be called
gallows humor.)
Dry humor tends to be deadpan, e.g.
not-very-funny stories that customs inspectors may tell.
Jokes are short stories ending with funny
climactic twists (punch lines).
Misunderstandings are often about
relationships and may involve sex, mistaken identities, etc.
Parodies (spoofs) mock original
works, e.g. movies, TV shows, scientific theories or philosophies.
Physical humor is all about body movements
and non-verbal communication. (E.g. Saying "YES! DEFINITELY!" with a deep
tonality while shaking your head slowly and hugely from side to side).
Puns are word plays which exploit multiple
meanings of words, or of similar-sounding words, for humorous
effects. (E.g. We are a non-prophet organization!)
Sarcasm isn't a style of humor, it is
usually condescending covert criticism. Avoid it.
Satire ridicules human follies and
shortcomings with irony or parod.
Satire may be funny, but usually its primary aim is to judge behavior or
motivate improvement.
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Being funny appropriately is not
as easy as it might seem. Appropriate humor requires sensitivity, effort
and practice. You don't need to be a stand-up comedian - and you do need
to connect with your audiences or clients. We can coach you to relax
with your creativity and enjoy improving your sense of humor.
Sometimes only nonsense makes sense!
See our Funny Page
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Online Humor Coaching
& Mentorship
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2008-2012
All rights reserved. coachong, coachnig, hooma, hummor
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