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We offer online coaching and mentorship about death and
dying, grief,
bereavement and relationships with people whose bodies have died.
I, Robot?
I once wrote a small program
so that my computer would randomly display human ideas. It might display,
"I will do what
you ask but not what you want", or "I will remember this
moment forever", or even "I love you".
Sometimes it displayed "I didn't ask you to write me" or
"Don't switch me off - I don't want to die".
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Just because I'm dead ...
does that mean we cannot have a relationship? |
Of course - it was only my computer programmed to
display words. However interesting the messages - however co-incidental
or synchronous ... it was just a machine following a program ... not
at all like you or me. We have free choice, don't we?
Transcript concerning Identification with a Dead Person
What is Death?
We are all initiates into the mysteries of death. On
a day very much like today, your heart will stop beating. Your body will exhale
- and will never again inhale. You will close your eyes - perhaps knowing that
you will not open them again. Maybe while you sleep, or in an accident,
or at an old folks home or in a hospital ... your body will die.
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If your parent dies, you may
lose your past; if your partner dies,
you may lose your present but if your child
dies, you may lose your future. |
Sometimes, just when you start to understand what's
going on, it's time to say goodbye. Despite your efforts, desires, hopes
and prayers, sooner or later, beloved relatives and friends will die.
Their deaths may affect you strangely. Probably, you already know many dead people.
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Since my mother died a year ago, I
felt haunted. It's like she floated over me, worrying about me and
criticizing me if I didn't do things her way. I felt like I was going
crazy - but after two sessions with you I felt more peaceful and relaxed.
Los Angeles, California |
Is your life Precious?
Perhaps life is more precious because death is certain.
Probably you don't want to die - probably you want to survive - but sometimes
the price of your own life is too high. You may risk your life to
protect your family - or your community - or your government - or a
stranger - or even a pet.
People don't die ... bodies die.
We live just as long as we live, and
not a day more.
Would you willingly die for your beliefs? For your
family? For an elected politician? For your boss? Or would you die to
avoid the suffering of NOT protecting something precious to you. Some
people facing chronic pain may prefer death. See my articles on
Long Term Pain Relief
and Pain Coaching
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No-one is sure where you were before
you were born, but when you were born,
you arrived with your return ticket already punched. Terry Pratchett
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Suicides across Generations
The voluntary self-termination of life is described
here. Some suicidal people communicate
that "my life does not make sense" or
"death makes more sense than life" ... yet many suicidal people
have told us, often to their surprise, that their desire to die seems related to an ancestor's suicidal
behavior. It seems that if a parent suicides, at least one of the children
will suffer chronic suicidal ideation (fantasies), and at least one of the grand-children
will also
suicide. See also
Are you Suicidal?
What really happens after death?
What do you believe happens when your body dies? What do you know for sure?
- Your genes will continue in the bodies of your
descendents
- Your values will continue in any projects
that you commence
- Your chaos will continue until someone cleans up
your mess
- Your memories will continue in the
minds of those who knew you
Scientists can tell you
about their observations of what will happen to a body after death. Philosophers
can tell you about their ideas about what happens to your sense of self after
death. Religious people can tell you about their ideas of rebirth, afterlife
and divine punishment.
Faith is believing what you know is not true
(heard in Canada)
Most Christian denominations teach that a soul will continue
to exist in places or conditions often called heaven or hell. Most Buddhists and Hindus
believe that a soul will transmigrate or reincarnate after the death
of the body into another body. Atheists may believe that we are without souls, and the dead
can never live again. Agnostics can truthfully say that they don't know for sure.
The dead will live again for you - if you want this enough.
It seems that most people answer questions about death with unproven beliefs. No one
can prove what happens to you - or even if there is a you
for anything to happen to. You can read descriptions of near-death and
past-life experiences. You can read descriptions by people thought
to be holier than average. You can read religious dogma and the
ideas of people who enjoy discussing this deadly issue.
Soul as Spiritual Identity
People who believe that they have, or are, a spiritual
identity, may believe that when their bodies die, their spiritual identity
continues. Some people believe that certain behaviors can guide their
spiritual identity to eternal bliss. They may also believe that if
their behavior does not meet some standard, that their spiritual identity
can suffer - perhaps for a few years or perhaps for eternity.
To talk about "death", we
need a strong concept of "life". Is there life before death?
- Thoughts and memories require a body in which
to be stored and recalled
- Emotions and feelings require a body in which
they can be experienced and expressed
Near-Death Experiences (NDE)
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Many people have described near-death
experiences. Their bodies almost died and yet continued to live. These
people can describe near-death experiences (NDE), which seem to indicate
that life continues after death, as so many descriptions of NDE are similar.
People who have experienced near-death
say that NDE is real, while some scientists say that NDE is only a
physiological reaction of a human mind undergoing existential stress.
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Past-Life Experiences
Descriptions of past-life experiences seem to
access memories from before birth. Past-life experiences seem to
indicate the continuation of life after death, either as reincarnation,
or that memories are stored or accessible in a separate reality.
If during coaching a person volunteers past-life memories,
we often help those people resolve trauma or relationship entanglements
within those past-lives. In this way we can resolve symptoms of
stress disorders - whether or not the past-life memories are real
or whether or not they are metaphors of some repressed trauma in this life. (We
are more concerned with goals and results than theories and beliefs.)
If memories of dead people can be accessed, or even imagined,
there is a danger that a person identify with those memories. (If I
can remember something ... obviously I was once there ...) We have coached
many people who were obsessed with past-life memories to change.
Identification with a Dead Person (DPI)
Some people unconsciously identify with a dead
family member - for example following a suicide or an abortion.
We often help people can resolve identification
with a dead person with our systemic coaching. A few common signs we
associate with identification with a dead-person are:
- May avoid finishing projects
- States abstractions and justifications
- May appear to have psychic sensitivity
- Expresses constant inappropriate melancholy
- Describe fulfillment as only possible after death
- Increased risk of miscarriages, stillbirth and
infertility
- Chronic guilt - being alive may not make sense if someone
important died
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Sometimes a little girl claims me. She wants to be alive and real. Sometimes
she overwhelms me. She wants to be in a warm human body. She wants
to love and be loved. Although she is young, she says she's my
twin sister. People call me crazy if
I tell them, so usually I don't.
Kailua, Hawaii
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Following an abortion, murder or suicide, young children of
the victim's family may identify with the missing persons - with the holes in the family - and may grow up
melancholic and highly sensitive. Such children are often
fascinated by gore and death, and they often express chronic sadness. We offer solutions to people who may have identified
with a dead person and to womb-twin survivors who suffer from a vanishing twin.
Online
Coaching & Mentorship
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright �Martyn Carruthers
1998-2011 All rights reserved
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